So, courtesy of Arkie, I was reading my myers-briggs personality type thing yesterday and it pretty much confirmed everything I already knew about myself. One thing that did stick out above the other things was this idea of high expectations and not being able to revel in success for long because you’re constantly looking for that next thing that you can achieve (not in a narcissist way, in a perfectionist way…i hope) and that is SO me. Like for my WHOLE life.
I think a lot of people raised on the “track” that we were (somewhat advanced in school and coming from foreign households) can own up to this kind of high expectations thing to varying degrees.
Anyway, the end of the year is approaching and my stress levels are returning. This morning, I woke up to a dream that I spoke 7+ languages. So then I started thinking of different linguistics things I could do–like work for the UN and travel everywhere and speak to people. How awesome would that be? Or, I could be a spy….like Jason Bourne, without the killing people and memory loss. I’d just be a glorified data collector. But I’m also very interested in/passionate about youth development and mental health. How cool would that be? And imagine, a language/youth health fusion!
And imagine even still, how many AWESOME documentaries would come out of that work! (All made by yours truly, of course).
But there I go, dreaming and planning, thinking and worrying about things that I am unable to commit to as of now. Why? Do I think I will fail? Do I think my parents won’t approve? Am I afraid of throwing more money for education down the tube?
My dad keeps me in suspense…my mom told me that he said he’d pay for my grad school, depending on what I chose. But he won’t tell me what that is! It’s not that I want to do what my parents want me to do. On the contrary, my mother attempts to be subtle (and fails) and her incessant insistence that I should be a doctor has pushed me further away from the cause. I’ve realized lately that the more someone tells me to do something, the less I want to do it.
But it would be nice to have their opinion and know that they believe in a future other than medical school. My dad has the utmost faith in my career path, I know, which has been really encouraging. But, I know that he, as a father, wants to know that I’ll be able to feed myself one day and from where I’m sitting, I might have to become a farmer.
But hopefully, I can do that in England, meet my brazilian futbol player husband e voila!