Today, I am conquering old fears…and finding new weaknesses…

First, the weaknesses, however superficial they may be:

Who knew a baby tiny fragment of eggshell underneath a fingernail could cause so much pain and reduce me to a whiny 4 year old asking mommy and daddy to fix my finger?

Also, I have finally accepted–after much denial and with great trepidation–that I have super weak arms. I did Pilates on Monday and Tuesday and I was like reaaalllly struggling. And today my shoulder blades are crying foul.

*Insert Segway**

Here’s a confession I’ve never made before:

For some reason that I honestly can’t explain, the idea of going to certain places by myself causes great anxiety. Making the short walk from Few to Alpine (charkie will attest to this) is one that I simply didn’t want to do by myself. Going to get my windshield wipers replaced at the car dealership (without my parents)? It took me 3 months to make the appointment. The fear will pop up for the most banal places, like the grocery store. Some will joke about it and I laugh along, at my expense, attempting to minimize the underlying fear.

Anyway, there you have it. I got 99 problems, and going places alone is 1. My only Jay-Z shout out ever…for the rest of my life. (Is that even Jay-Z? Ugh, I dunno)

And for the conquering?:

Well, I mentioned that France thing, right? I think I’m gonna go. If I don’t have a job by January, I’m bookin’ it to Paris. Hopefully I can find some kind of exchange program/job/internship thing over there and make some moolah (suggestions?). I didn’t want to go because I would be by myself. And I don’t know the language. And those are two great reasons to never go anywhere and exactly the reasons why I need to go. To conquer my fears and learn something new–about myself, my family that I’ll be getting to know, Europe, and life in general. I’m not saying this is my “eat, pray, love” moment but I think it will be good. I just hope I can find the right kind of opportunity there. Maybe I’ll do some grad school kind of thing? Who knows.


One thought on “Today, I am conquering old fears…and finding new weaknesses…

  1. i guess your eggshell injury was inevitable given all your recent phood experiments! 😛

    we will be bonnie & clyde over here in europa!! (another jay-z reference? i think? that makes 2 for 1 post!!! #gangstastatus, as Yarkie would say)
    sorry that i, too, have laughed at your fear! yay for overcoming some! i’ll be on the lookout about programmes to do en france. and i shall pepper our communication with more french mots, and get your maman to talk to you en français (though she’s prob already), and then the language issue will not be a problem, i’m telling you! when i first visited budapest, i literally didn’t know ONE WORD. it helped to have the sound of the language in my head from hearing my dad (which you have from your mom), so ne t’inquiète pas!!!

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